Failure?

how many times do you have to fail before you think enough is enough? before you take a step back and look at yourself and think." am i really meant for this?". How many more failures can you take before you give up? before it becomes meaningless? Before you can't even remember why you want to be there and try in the first place. That is a lot of befores and a lot of failures. But wouldn't stopping pre-failure hurt less than the time after failure? somehow the old "well i tried" doesn't exactly bring much comfort.

Every time i fail it takes a little more out of me...a person who isn't used to failing...isn't used to being in the bottom 6% rather than the top. Every day there is a little more failure and a little less reason to get up in the morning. Sometimes i think i can't sleep at night because i don't want to get up the next morning, that sleeping through the day is more preferable than facing it. Dreams are happier places sometimes when reality becomes a nightmare. This IS my nightmare. i am failing. i feel alone. i feel like sleeping through the day beacuse i can't find anything worthwhile to get up for.

i could leave. but wouldn't that be another failure? not only a failure but a quitter. i can stick it out...but i can't take 5 more years of this. i want to be back where i feel like i'm myself. i'm not myself here. the people aren't the same. it doesn't work. i'm self conscious i can't say or do certain things even with my new "close" friends. that's not how i want to be. not how i should be. if i could let myself cry over immaterial things like this i wouldn't stop crying for days. if i was a cutter i would be in hospital for blood loss, if i had an ED i would have starved myself into a critical condition, if i was an attention whore i would have told people this, if i was me i could have told someone...but i couldn't even bare to tell my boyfriend i had failed another exam. i couldn't do it. i still can't. it's like admitting that the dream you always thought would happen is just that little bit out of your reach with a sign hanging from it saying "sorry love, you're just not good enough". that is my biggest fear. not being good enough. i have worked all my life to please. the best in everything i did. EVERYTHING. and yet when i'm here no one sees any of it. none of the things i can do. they don't see of know me. but then again..i don't see or know them either.

With Love
Me
xXx

PONY-BOY VS. GODDESS

Helloooo People!

Ok...FUNNIEST FB conversation EVER!!! This guy seems to stalk Yvonne...but this is what happened when Jesse got hold of the computer (with a little help from us :P )!!!

He types in random names into FB and adds the hot girls...then TELLS them they're hot....smoooth...he plays mafia wars...asks people to talk to him on his status updates...became a fan of American Idol and The X-Factor...and is an avid fan of the Be Naughty app on FB...

Yes we did do our fair share of FB stalking :P and i must draw your attention to the fact that he has NEVER met Yvonne before... but briefly knew a friend of hers....!!!

ENJOY MUTHA FUCKAAAAS!!! :P

Me: hey sexy

Conor: hiya u fine thing

Me: i wanna ride you like a pony

you stallion you

rawr

Conor: well work away u goddess

Me: oh you naughty boy you

do you have a webcam?

i feel dirty

Conor: yh wot ur msn

Me: gullible@hotmail.com

Conor: added u there

Me: deadly gimme a sec my internets being a bit of a dick tonight

Conor: ok

Me: be on in a sec(sy) 

Conor: ok

Me: shit msn isnt working

wanna just chat here?

Conor: nnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooo

ok

Me: awwww im sowwy

what did you wanna do?

Conor: can u try again mistress

wot ever u want

Me: mistress?? are you married?

Conor: no

Me: haha

do you have a girlfriend?

Conor: me no im single y

Me: just making sure 

Conor: ru single now

Me: yep how could you tell sexy? you got me thinking about when i come home and how i wanna be single...

Conor: really

Me: yep

x

Conor: xxxx

Me: aw kisses

Conor: u r fit

Me: your eclectic vocabulary is astonishing - you really are a cunning linguist

such a turn on

Conor: who me

Me: yes you

couldnt be

then who?

Conor: no ur

Me: no you ARE

Conor: no u r

can u try ur msn

Me: tell me what you like about me?

nah it doesnt work in hungary...some copyright thing

Conor: ur smile eyes n everything bout u

Me: but we've never met..

talk dirty to me...i dont wanna hear about my eyes and my smile...

Conor: i wanna lick ur bush

Me: i dont have a bush babe! porn star style 

ooh you're making me hot

Conor: i want to do u doggy

Me: what do you mean? you wanna do my dog? or i am a dog? or youre a dog? or.....what?

WOOF

Conor: i want to do u up the ass

Me: youre probably too big for me stud

Conor: no im not sexy

u goddess

Me: i highly doubt that...you seem like a big boy

Conor: no seem to be big naught girl

u deserve a spanking

Me: so you're small? 

Conor: a bit shorter than u goddess

Me: im not talking about height babe...im talking about girth

Conor: the only way to know is to try it out bbe

Me: cant wait! but id like some feedback regarding the dimensions of your phallis

Conor: wot

Me: how big is your fuckin lad lad?

Conor: 3inch i think

Me: long or wide?

Conor: long

Me: thats good. do you know how to use it?

Conor: yep

Me: how many girls have you fucked pony-boy?

get it?

cos your a stallion!

Conor: too many but i want u

Me: have you been tested?

cos i need to know if youre clean

like i wont fuck till i know if youv been tested

like i need to see results

i cant sleep with you till i see a clean bill of health

seriously

Conor: i was jokin on how many i slept wit

Me: are you a virgin?

me too!

Conor: me too

Me: will you be my first?

Conor: yh if will be my 1st                 [note from Jesse...this is where I started to feel bad..but didnt stop]

Me: awesome pony boy

see you in 2 months

wait for me!

Conor: defo u goddess do u want my number

Me: yeh gimme your number

ill call you when im back home  we can meet

Conor

it 08******** defo meet up

so r we a couple                                  [Another note from Jesse....this is where we knew it was too far...still funny though]

Me: actually

i wanna be single

forget this whole thing ever happened

shit

Conor: y

You are not online.

Do NOT judge us... it was HILARIOUS... until we realized he was being completely serious...

Pweeeez leave comments about what was your favourite part  XD These are our favourite gems =)       

=>

Jesse: "gullible@hotmail.com"

Yvonne: "3 inches...long"

Cathy: "Pony-Boy"

Me: "What do you mean? you wanna do my dog? or i am a dog? or you're a dog? or...what? WOOF"

Love As Always Darlings

Love Your One And Only PitBitch

xXx

ODE TO CHEMISTRY

Hey All! =)

Seems like it's been a while! Soooo....you've probably all realised by now that i use this blog mainly to moan about things that piss me off, and it will be very apparent after just a few sentences that i am currently struggling through a mountain of organic chemistry for an EVIL EVIL midterm that is looming overhead...

I know for sure I'm not the only one feeling VERY lost at the moment while doing things like trying to figure out what the hell an " aromatic electrophillic substitution reaction" is or how exactly I'm supposed to remember all those ridiculously complicated organic chemistry structures!! For me anyway, chemistry goes WHOOOSH right over my head and any vague understanding of it stays pretty much in the realm of the impossible. it has always been like this and i think i completely confuddle both my parents who are both sciency people and look on this chemistry like a walk in the park. I recall my mother telling me before i headed off to Buda-Land that i would LOVE all my subjects, that they'd all be SO interesting... note to anyone who has yet to attend college...PARENTS LIE!!!! but then again...i think my mother was being genuinely honest seeing as she looked in delight upon my zoology notes and absolutely gushed with joy about how much fun extracting caffeine was......enough said...

It doesn't help that chemistry lectures are at the crack of dawn and motivation to attend is literally nil..and apart from the fact that i automatically tune out (NOT a good habit) i don't find they help with labs in the slightest which right now are one of the major banes of my life. Preparation for labs consists of googling EVERYTHING....a process which not only takes hours but also has me thoroughly convinced that NO ONE in the world has done the same experiments that we are doing...FML... but in reality the googling is the easy part, labs are a whole different story. In our lab we are lucky enough to be graced by the delightful presence of a certain man. Not only does he make the experience a joy but he is a pleasure to work with.......OK I'm lying. He's an absolute a$$hole with no respect for people and zilch teaching ability. I don't know if he grasps the fact that we are STUDENTS and he is the TEACHER..we don't automatically come into labs with a chemistry degree under our belt, that's what you're there for sweetheart..you're supposed to HELP us!!!

I'd say the number of broken lab equipment and spilt chemicals have doubled in our lab, at least for me! I'm so paranoid that our darling lab instructor will come over and eat the head off me that my concentration on experiments slips. You find yourself watching where he is around the room just so you'll know when he comes near you. The worst part is at the end when they look through your lab book before they sign it. As a friend so eloquently put it, we all play Misi Bingo (the nice lab instructor). No one wants to go the prick so we all preoccupy ourselves until we see a free opening with Misi and then it's everybody for themselves. I swear someone will get hurt someday from rushing to get to him!! if you are so unfortunate to get the prick of an instructor prepare yourself for a torrent of comments that will make you feel completely retarded and make you feel like you should never have bothered spending all that time preparing for the damn lab in the first place!!

I firmly believe that man does not have an indoor voice!!! He SHOUTS everything he says...as if that will make us suddenly know how to do chemistry! Get some manners a$$hole... I mean if we have written the equation wrong the first time just because you shout at us doesn't mean we'll suddenly have an epiphany and realise where we went wrong!! If we knew how to do the fucking thing right in the first place do you really think we would have done it wrong!?? How about EXPLAINING how it's done instead of shouting at us?? It will make us hate you less and possibly lower your blood pressure...

Sometimes i think he simply becomes infuriated that no one really gives a shit about his precious subject. I mean it's grand if you luuuurve chemistry and all, whatever floats your boat, but don't expect me to like it. And don't be so angry that i don't embrace it with open arms and ask for extra work ( seriously a girl actually does that..... someone get her laid? PLEASE?!) She's not the only one who needs a good "Wham Bam Thank You Maam". I usually don't use names in blogs but for you my dearest lab instructor I'll make an exception. Tamás...seriously you NEED to get laid or something...for ALL our sakes!!! I swear you won't hate the world so much and it will make our labs that bit easier!! So go on, take one for the team =)


There's a saying by Kong-fu Ce at the front of out lab manuals that says-

If you just say, i will forget,

If you show, i will remember,

If you let me do, i will understand.

But Tamás...

If you shout at me, i will douse you in chemicals and set you on fire......

While laughing =D

Love As Always

Your One And Only PitBitch

xXx